Creatively Changing

 

I do believe that I did not bump onto this video for no reason. I am an avid fan of Elizabeth Gilbert's book. I never knew that she will be speaking for me. And when, I say 'speaking for me', I never realized that she'll be unraveling all the emotional dilemmas that I am suffering, as I labeled myself to that narcissistic definition that I am a creative person.


Malaya, I may rename myself. But this time, the freedom I seized upon, took me to those intangible grounds that I never knew what I am stepping on or am I still stepping onto something. Those principles I held onto for years became ice cream that melted into the abyss of my thoughts. The sweet taste of inspiration began to be a not so inspiring imagination. I failed to hold onto the idea that I need to believe in something. I need to build the truth for my safety's sake.


I was so overwhelmed that I got freedom upon my hands that made me feel so omnipotent. I did not know that I am consuming all my mental strength and productivity to something that decays my creativity.


And so here I am, looking at Elizabeth Gilbert herself, as she slaps me on the truth of my messy, blurry, life. Here I am, in front of the messiah herself, as she scrapes down to the core of me, being an artist, being emotionally unstable and being myself.


I realized that I do not need to seek for an emotional crisis just to be creative, because the whole world I'm living in is in itself a crisis.